Project Rachel of Southern Illinois & Metro St. Louis

For Fathers

If you are the father of an aborted baby, we are sorry for your loss. We realize that the society as a whole has told you that you have no right to grieve or struggle with the abortion decision. However, we know from hearing the stories of many fathers that some men hurt a great deal after the abortion. They pinpoint that event as a turning point that marked the beginning of the end of the relationship. The Testimony of A Sorrowful Father

Whatever your story, we care about you. Please do not hesitate to call us if we can help you. We understand your pain and your loss. You don't need to struggle in isolation.

Men are hidden partners in every abortion decision. Their role or lack of role in the decision can create a stream of consequences that may accompany the man through the rest of his life. Because men are told they have no say in the abortion decision--that it is about a woman and her choice--they later struggle with the questions they pose to themselves and the emotions they feel. Men often say "I don't feel entitled to my grief. It was her choice. Why do I feel so badly?"

As the "men's" movement continues to grow through workshops and outreach programs such as Promise Keepers, St. Joseph's Covenant Keepers, and the numerous other men's self-actualization movements, men grapple more and more with their feelings. The role of men in abortion is a complex one on to describe.
The following are scenarios men have shared:

I knew she was pregnant and I tried to stop her. I may even have gone to court for a restraining order, not knowing I had no legal grounds.
I knew she was pregnant. I didn't agree with the abortion decision but I went along with it since it was her body.
I knew she was pregnant and I supported her decision completely.
I knew she was pregnant and I forced her to have the abortion. She didn't really want to have it.
I didn't find out that she had been pregnant and had had an abortion until it was over.

Men describe the following reactions to an abortion loss:

Rage
A sense of impotence
Chemical abuse (alcohol, drugs, etc.)
Grief over the loss of fatherhood
Increased risk-taking behavior
Nightmares
Suicidal thoughts
Battering of the partner who had the abortion or a subsequent partner
Becoming an overly nurturant father who is hypervigilant with regards to the well-being of his other children
Deep desire to replace the lost child through having another child.

Many faith denominations are aware of the grief and hurt caused by abortion. The Catholic Church is so very aware of the weight of the pain of abortion that she promotes and implements Project Rachel Post-abortion healing programs all over the country.

The Catholic Church lovingly offers this help with neither judgment nor condemnation, offering hope and healing to the hurting. A Message of Love and Healing
This specific Project Rachel program site is a gift to you from the Belleville Catholic Diocese, in Belleville, Illinois.

A book you may consider reading:
Men and Abortion: A Path to Healing, Catherine T. Coyle, Belleville, Ont. (Canada): Essence Publishing, 1999. (800-238-6376)

Please give us a call at 1-800-618-HEAL (4325) from area codes 314, 618, & 217. We want to help you on your journey to healing. Or, you can locate a Project Rachel program in your area.