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The Testimony of A Sorrowful Father

To my loved but unseen child: Where does a pained father begin to tell his twelve year old child how deeply sorry he is for something he has done, when he's not able to look into his or her eyes to tell them he's sorry, and to look for the forgiveness within those very same eyes. I, being that sorrowful father, have hidden this pain within myself for twelve years and it wasn't till the other day I came to cry not only for forgiveness, but rather for the love I have lost out on those twelve years of my child's life.

I'm thankful to the Lord for bringing my emotions to surface just the other day, for I know he will help me to cope with my sinful ways and to bring the warmth back into my heart for what I have done.

You see, I was a seventeen year old child at the time, not to mention an addict to drugs when I and my girlfriend decided to abort our child. I can determine that my actions were childish and self-absorbed now that I'm no longer a child but yet a man, and a distressed one at that. I've hidden my emotions from everyone, even myself, and now I'm coming to terms with them along with a series of others.

Thanks to God I recently met a wonderful lady and have taken a trust into her guidance to share my pain and sorrow. With her guidance thus far, I've come to name my lost, yet greatly love child. I chose the name "Angelica", for I'm sure she rests with my loved Father.

I pray to my Father for His forgiveness for what I have done, but I never spoke to my child. Lately I began to send prayers to my Angel to ask her to understand and to forgive me for being such a terrible father, and not bringing her into the world and into my life. Sometimes I wonder how I could do something like that to a perfectly innocent child. I may never be able to understand why, but I can reassure myself that she is safe within God's hands. Angel, if you can hear my words, I'm sorry, my dear. I never meant to hurt you or deprive you of the love I have for you. Honey, someday I hope to be reunited with you. I don't know what will happen, but please allow me to give you a hug and kiss from your mother and myself. I love you honey and I hope you can understand that. My love will never rest for you and I hope you'll be able to forgive me, baby girl.

My love eternally,
Daddy

    In Their Own Words